Let’s be real: Toddlers can behave like real jerks sometimes. That does not mean toddlers are jerks. They are so new here still with only one to three years under their belts.

I’m not one to sugarcoat the reality of raising a toddler. It’s hard. It’s really, really hard. And they change dramatically from day to day, acquiring new skills and learning new things, that once you feel like you’re getting a handle on something, suddenly your two-year-old is tall enough and strong enough to open your kitchen drawer and is wandering through the house with a hammer in one hand and a tub of glue in the other.

Toddlers are noisy. They’re messy. They’re hyper-mobile but not yet coordinated. They’re unpredictable. They experience extreme emotions that often include extreme outbursts–of joy, sure, but also pain and frustration and anger and sadness.

I could go on, but you get the point. Toddlers are hard.

(They’re also lovely in a million ways. Watching them discover and innovate with language and their imaginations… priceless.)

Those things that make toddlers who they are also make them inherently unreliable around dogs.

When it comes to kids and dogs, the focus should always be on safety. That’s it. That’s the whole of it. Safety for the kids, safety for the dogs. Dog bites are almost always preventable (read TONS more about dog bite prevention here), but I also want to emphasize that avoiding bites isn’t the be-all-end-all of kid + pet interactions. It’s what gets the most attention, sure, because it has the most devastating consequences, but:

You do not want your kids and your dog living in fear of each other.

Whether there’s a bite risk or not (and there’s always a small bite risk), you want your kids and your pets to coexist happily. You want everyone to feel safe and comfortable around each other. So, let’s dig into how to achieve that when you have dogs and toddlers and just want everyone to get along.

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Teach your kid to interact appropriately with all dogs, not just your dog.

This is where it all starts.

Don’t be that parent who lets their kid trip and stumble and flail and wave at a random dog. “Oh, she just loves dogs,” is never a reason for bad behavior.

Start when they’re babies (I have gobs of ideas and resources in this post about dogs and babies getting along) and teach them they’re not allowed to approach or touch a dog without checking with you first–and you, in turn, check with the dog’s owner first. Show them what is and isn’t okay when petting a dog. Demonstrate how to be gentle, how not to pull or grab, how to always approach from the side. Kids soak up our behavior and imitate it; make sure YOU behave appropriately around dogs.

With your own dog, make sure your little one is clear on boundaries: leave the dogs alone at meal times, for instance, or never go into the dog’s crate, or whatever fits with your family and how your dog is trained. Involve your kid in your dog’s care (more on that in a minute) but be clear that it can only happen when you are present.

Give your dog space to flee.

Your pets should never feel forced to interact with your kid. Ever. Give them the ability to excuse themselves from a situation. We use baby gates for that. (Plus, we want the cats to be able to come and go as they please, so we use gates like this to ensure all species are happy and safe.)

You, as the adult, need to monitor your pet, too. Cooper is a perfect example of dog who is so desperate to hang out with me at all times, he would choose to be uncomfortable to stick by my side. When Violet is playing with toys that scare him like her fire truck or if the baby is screaming or whatever, I’ll simply ask Cooper to come with me to the kitchen where I hand him a food-stuffed Kong (I keep a stash of these large Kongs filled with PB or yogurt in the freezer) and then I go back to the living room and close the baby gate. He happily works on his toy while I supervise the girls.

Supervise everything.

Speaking of supervision…

Over the years, I’ve written about dog bites a lot, and one of the most common–and heartbreaking–things I’ve read over and over and over again is this: “I only stepped away for a second.”

(Child proofing is clearly beyond the scope of this post, so whether or not your kiddo is able to play somewhere independently and safely is up to you and your family.)

Honestly, we all have to step away now and again. Like, throughout the day, I have to go to the bathroom. Or get a drink of water. Or take a phone call. The baby gates come in handy, of course, but I also take Coop with me if it’s something quick like a trip to the bathroom or to grab a rag (I always need a rag… everything always spills…) That way, I know Violet is safe doing whatever she was occupied with while Coop is with me.

If it’s not possible to leave Violet where she’s playing (like in the backyard) and I need to do something quick like change the baby’s diaper or grab snacks or whatever, she has to come with me. She usually complains, but she’s pretty solid on the boundaries about safety, Cooper, supervision, etc.

Reinforce positive interactions.

I believe that kids should be involved in pet care where it’s age- and skill-appropriate. Violet doesn’t scoop out their food or count their medications, but she does carry their bowls to their assigned spots and sets them down. She doesn’t pick up poop in the backyard, but she runs around with me and tells me when she finds some to pick up. She doesn’t hold the leash when we walk Cooper, but she often carries a can of cheese to dole out whenever she wants.

Violet’s also learning how to train Cooper. Every time we leave the house, she cues him to go to his bed, then gives him a cookie and says bye. She’s been working on recall training and some of the ASL training with me in the backyard. All supervised, all positive.

She’s OBSESSED, btw, with having her own clicker and treat pouch. It makes her feel so important. I have this treat pouch, and she uses one that’s similar to this one. We both use a super basic clicker or this touch stick. Cooper gets a million treats–usually for free–and she has a blast.

Allow them time together and time apart.

You are their person. Both of them. Or all of them if you have multiple kids or dogs. They should get time with you alone as much as possible. I know it’s tough. There are only so many minutes in a day. I generally reserve evenings for Cooper because the girls are both in bed around 7. Then he and I can train, play outside, walk, cuddle, whatever. Violet and Astrid get most of my attention all day long, so that’s his time.

Throughout the day, I encourage Violet to play independently, and if she’s playing and Astrid is napping, I can squeeze in some extra Coopsie time or make him a puzzle toy or something like that. They all deserve your attention, so dole it out mindfully when possible.

Increase your focus on safety in times of intensity.

Toddlers throw tantrums. They vary in degree. Some kiddos ball up their fists and scream while others go full Red Ross.

Violet’s tantrums reside on a spectrum so far beyond Red Ross that officials are considering renaming Kilauea volcano, the most active volcano in the world, after my dear daughter.

In those moments, my job is to keep her safe AND keep the animals safe. If your little one tends to be on the more volatile end of the tantrum spectrum, first, please know I’m right there with you holding space for our tiny little warriors. But, also, remove your pets from the room. Put your kid somewhere safe for a sec, move dogs, cats, rabbits, etc. from the room, then close the door and focus on your kid. This is pure management, not training, and that is literally the only thing you can do in those moments.

(BTW, I’m not interested in any parenting tips, tricks, advice, etc. about tantrums. Every kid is unique. I know my kid. You know your kid, so do what’s best for him or her in the moment. Hold space. Stay calm and present. The end.)

Will they be BFFs?

Maybe. Maybe not.

And it doesn’t really matter either way. Your job isn’t to force a relationship but rather to teach everyone how to interact together safely and to supervise them whenever they are together. If they become friends, great!

In my house, I know Violet loves and adores Cooper roughly 279% more than he does her. And that’s okay. If it were up to her, she’d be the kid climbing all over him, kissing his face, hugging his neck, etc. But it’s not up to her. It’s up to me, and I’ve taught her that none of those things are okay.

When she runs and screams and prances around, he gets worked up. I don’t want him to get so fired up he nips, so when I can see it starting (actually… hear it… his first line of defense is barking…) I know to remove him from the situation. That’s my job.

Dogs and toddlers can get along. But the most important thing is that they interact safely.

Photo by Levi Saunders on Unsplash

A few weeks ago, I posted an Instagram Story of us working with Cooper in the backyard. We were doing recall training–that is, working on getting him to come when called–and making a super fun game of it. It’s one of his most favorite games, actually, so he’s gotten good at it over the years.

That story elicited a ton of DMs asking how we taught him the game, what we did to teach Coop his recall, and so on. So, I decided to pull my tips together in one past in case it helps anyone else who’s trying to teach your dog recall OR who’s struggling to troubleshoot a problem with your dog’s recall.

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How to Train Your Dog to Come

OK, let’s get super basic here: Teaching your dog to come when called is the most important thing he or she needs to learn for safety. If you’ve tried to teach recall and it didn’t stick, or if your dog knew it once and now doesn’t, or if you’re starting this out for the very first time, the process is the same.

First, pick a cue. Now, if you’re in the “didn’t stick” or “now doesn’t” camp, you need a word other than what you used previously. That word–probably “come”–is now dead to you. Pick something new. I’m a big, big fan of a specific whistle, but it doesn’t matter. Start by choosing your cue. For the sake of this post, I’m going to use “come,” but it can be anything short.

Next, watch your language! Don’t use that cue word for anything other than recall and never for anything negative. So, let’s say your dog is playing in the backyard and it’s time for his bath. Don’t call “Cooper, come!” and then drag him into the tub. From the moment you decide to train your dog to come, the recall word you chose can only be used for good things.

Third, set the bar really low. Start training recall in a distraction-free zone. Take your dog out to go to the bathroom first, then go somewhere quiet and comfortable like your living room. Get a friend or family member to help, and sit a few feet away from each other. Call your dog to come to you, dole out a valuable treat (this is NOT the time for dry, crunchy cookies, y’all), then have your friend do the same. Give lots of love and praise while you practice. With the bar still set low, move the game somewhere slightly more distracting–say, the backyard. Practice, practice, practice.

Don’t forget that distance is a degree of variability you need to practice, too. If you and your buddy stand 10 feet apart in the backyard, standing 15 feet apart is a nice, slight raise of that training bar.

Here’s something that works well to raise the bar ever so slightly: Once your dog masters the cue in the living room and the backyard, keep practicing with your friend as you increase the difficulty AND simultaneously you start working with your dog one-on-one back in the quiet/comfy spot. Let’s say you and your friend are working 10 feet apart in the backyard. That’s awesome! The next day, your friend isn’t available. So, you head into the living room with your treats and periodically call your dog to come and reward. Consider those activities two distinct parts of the training–your dog needs to reliably come to you when it’s you alone, but that’s much more difficult to manage in the early stages. So, work on both! But, again, keep the bar really super low so that you set your dog up to win.

Now, eventually your home and your backyard will become too easy, and you’ll have to raise the bar again to, say, your front yard. Unless your front yard is fenced in, you NEED to put your dog on a long line. (This is the one we use.) You are in training here, so it’s NOT the time to test your dog’s reliability.

Finally, keep at it. Training your dog to come when called is nothing like training your dog to sit in the sense that you need to work on recall all the time to reinforce it and to proof it, while a behavior like “sit” is naturally well integrated into your day and the stakes are low. Recall training should be ongoing. The cue should always stay positive, and you should practice every chance you get so that when you do find yourself needing it, your dog’s already an ace.

A Quick Aside About Training Treats

Get the good ones.

Seriously, this isn’t biscuit time. This is freeze-dried liver time. This is squeeze cheese time. This is shredded chicken, turkey bacon, warmed-up hot dog time. Whatever is your dog’s go-to, can’t-resist, must-have treat, recall training is the time to use it. You don’t want your dog to think, “Eh, why bother? She just has that crappy dry cookie, and here I can eat rabbit poop,” or whatever it is. You know your dog’s preferences and tolerances, so pick the tippy-top of what he or she likes the best.

Make Recall FUN!

What I shared on Instagram is a game we call “Recall Relay.” John stands at one end of the yard, and I stand at the other. We both have a pile of treats, and we just call Coop back and forth. He loves it because he loves treats, he loves running, and he loves playing with us. It’s a win all around!

We modify the game outside and inside, too, by adding in a hike-and-seek component. I’ll duck behind a shrub or behind the sofa and call Coop to come. He LOVES seeking us out, and finding us is almost as much of a reward to him as the actual treat we dole out.

Sometimes I’ll see him out in the yard doing nothing special, and I’ll grab a treat from his jar and call him to come–just for the fun of it and just for the reinforcement.

When can I stop using treats? And other troubleshooting tips…

“Ugh, my dog will only come because he knows I have treats.”

So?

I mean, truly, I only do my work because I know I’ll get paid. I’m not going to submit a bunch of copy to a client who might or might not compensate me… There’s nothing wrong with a rewards system, especially for a behavior as important as come.

“My dog was so good at this, and now he ignores me.”

OK, so you’ve poisoned the cue. What that means is you’ve used “come” one too many times without payment or followed by something unpleasant or maybe it wasn’t as good as you thought it was to begin with. The reason doesn’t actually matter, and the fix is (sorta) simple: Pick a new cue and start over. It’s far easier to train it as if it were a new behavior with a new cue word or whistle than it is to troubleshoot what went wrong with your old cue.

“He will come when called at home, but at the park… nada.”

You moved the bar too high too fast. Your dog needs to go back to recall boot camp with some purposeful retraining.

Also, know that a recall will never, ever be 100 percent. Let’s say you DO have it down pat at the park. Then, one day, there’s a deer standing in the middle of the field, and your dog has never seen a deer before, and your dog decides he reallllllllllyyyyy needs to chase that animal… or, let’s say a stray cat darts across the street directly in front of you, and there’s nothing your dog loves more than chasing a stray cat… or, the ice cream truck hits a pothole and the whole giant tub of ice cream bounces out the back and splats on the sidewalk… or, whatever your dog finds truly irresistible. You can practice and proof and make it a game, and your dog might still ignore you in the face of something too good to be true.

It’s another topic for another post, but it’s one of the many reasons I strongly advocate for keeping your dog on leash at all times unless you’re in a fenced-in yard or dog park. Recall, imo, is an emergencies-only cue, but the training is a fun, all-the-time thing.

Teaching Your Dog to Come When Called Is Worth the Effort

You might be thinking that this sounds like a lot of effort. You might be thinking that this sounds like it takes an enormous amount of time.

You’re right. It is a lot of effort, and it does take a lot of time.

But it’s so worth it.

Twice in Cooper’s life, unforeseen circumstances resulted in him getting loose. The first time, our gate broke–unbeknownst to us–and the second time was immediately after we moved to Louisiana. We took the dogs outside with no clue that Coop could just waltz right under the elevated house from the fenced-in front yard to the un-fenced-in front yard.

In both cases, thank goodness, he came when I called.

We practice. We make it fun. And, when we need it, it works.

So, there you have it: My tips for how to teach your dog to come when called. Have you taught your dog a recall? How does he or she do? Have you encountered a need to use it? How do you proof the behavior? Please share in the comments so we can all learn from each other!