Recently someone suggested I lower the bar around here. It was kind advice and resulted from a comment I made about feeling overwhelmed of late. This person, though, had never been inside my house, so all I could think was:
If I lowered this bar any further, we’d all be eating out of a trough. All of us. Parents, kids, and pets.
You don’t have to have it all together!
Hello, friends! And welcome to another soapbox moment. 🙂
Let me start by saying: I’m deeply grateful social media wasn’t around when I was in school or when I started my first job out of college. My every move was not documented, “liked” (or… not liked…), commented upon, shared, or judged in any way. I lived my life, made my mistakes, and never thought about my look being “on brand.” I didn’t even have a look, unless you count jeans and a T-shirt.
The world has changed.
I love social media. Well, not Facebook. I struggle with Facebook. Another topic for another day. 🙂 I love Instagram and Pinterest and YouTube. There’s so much value to those platforms and to connecting with others who share similar passions. And, there’s so much information. Right now we’re dealing with some medical stuff with Astrid, and I’ve found a wealth of info on Instagram and YouTube. And I might just come around on Facebook because of different groups and things.
It’s just, until I connected on all these platforms, I never in my life realized how women consider themselves Type A! There are Type A dog moms, kid moms, cat moms, wives, employees, entrepreneurs, side hustlers… the list goes on. Scroll social–particularly Instagram–and you’ll see such a strong aesthetic and a carefully-curated view of these incredibly put-together women.
How on earth do they do it?
What is “Type A” anyway?
Wikipedia describes this personality type as “… outgoing, ambitious, rigidly organized, highly status-conscious, sensitive, impatient, anxious, proactive, and concerned with time management. People with Type A personalities are often high-achieving ‘workaholics’.”
Currently, a subset on Instagram and YouTube wears “Type A dog/kid/cat mom” as a badge of honor.
If that’s you, and it makes you happy, get it, sis!
I felt a little sad, though, when researching dog mom and kid mom hashtags for another project and all the recommendations for tags similar to #TypeADogMom were #overwhelm and #anxiety and #sotired.
I worry about the compare-a-thon created by all this content. Because, truly, you’re doing great, even if your version of great is imperfect. Actually, probably because your version is imperfect… perfection is too dang stressful.
Cut yourself some slack!
Says the lady who’s constantly self-critical… 🙂
The flip side of Type A seems to be #hotmessexpress. These are the posts with dog hair everywhere or muddy floors or hair in a bun with drool-stained yoga pants. *raises hand*
Either you have it all together and your dog is groomed and there’s no fur in your butter dish and your hair is curled and your lashes are done and you and your dog wear coordinated outfits… OR… you’re a mess?
Does it have to be either / or?
Nope, nope, nope.
I read this comment on an Instagram post this morning: “So many of us here pretend to have it all together online when in reality we are just trying to keep it together in real life.”
Oof.
That comment was left on a post by a dog mama who wrote about feeling tired and lost and overwhelmed, yet she’s one who keeps her pup’s barrette collection organized by size and color. She’s also a self-professed Type A and a mom of human kids and a hard-working, successful blogger. In other words, someone who seems to have it all together!
I’m certainly not implying that everyone who seems to have it together or everyone who considers themselves Type A is secretly a mess underneath. Not at all.
I do think that everyone, no matter their personality type or tolerance for pet hair in strange places, everyone struggles with vulnerability, and we all default to our most comfy hiding spot. For some, that’s having every little detail perfectly cleaned and organized. For others, it’s chocolate. Or whatever.
What if you’re not Type A OR a hot mess?
Whoever you are, you are doing great.
If you love matching your pup’s collar to your handbag, do you!
If you’re lucky to have brushed your own hair and can’t remember your dog’s last bath (my hand is waving here), no shame!
Your dog bowls coordinate with your throw pillows? That’s so cool! Your dog stuff mish-mashes with all your second-hand furniture? Go you!
Wherever you fall on that spectrum, keep it up!
If you’re trying, you’re killing it. Do your best as a dog mom, partner, friend, employee, entrepreneur, all the different things you are… but then take time to do your best for YOU. Take breaks. Heck, give yourself a break. Avoid the compare-a-thon trap of social media and hug your pup. How lucky are we to get to share our lives with dogs?!?! Don’t lose sight of that in the quest to live a perfect life, to be a perfect dog mom, to post the perfect Instagram.
I am not perfect. I’m not a #TypeADogMom. I’m not a Type A anything!
I am the #WorldsOkayestDogMom.
I’m mostly okay at most things… and that seems to get me through just fine.
(Thanks to my friend Jodi at the amazing site Kol’s Notes for helping me come up with that hashtag!)
Where do you fall on the spectrum? Total perfectionist? Just okay? Somewhere else entirely? I’d love to know!! And please feel free to use the hashtag #WorldsOkayestDogMom on social to share your true story! Like that thread I mentioned reading, I just hope no one feels like they have to hide their reality to present perfection. Do you, and we’ll all be there for it!
Here’s my take: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1492698539/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o06_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1 Taking care of one’s self is very important. More so than appearances. 🙂
“Whatever you do, do it true!” My favorite line from “The Banger Sisters”. And it fits your post pretty darn well. ??
I’m a perfectionist by nature. My dad was one so I became one to some degree. Over the years I’ve tried to “loosen up”, and in a lot of ways I’ve succeeded. In some ways I’m still not there yet but not worried about it. But I’m one of those dog moms who doesn’t mind the dog hair “in strange places.” And I don’t mind dog toys all over the place, either. As for social media? I’m sick to death of Facebook and Twitter. I keep my accounts open for two reasons: my dog-specific groups on FB and a place to share friends’ blog posts.
Am I allowed to comment? I haven’t a husband or children and one desert tortoise (he hibernates for several months so does he even count) and one geriatric dog that I love to pieces. Sometimes things fall into place (Thank You, Lord) and sometimes not. It’s all okay. Do your best. Not someone else’s best. You are amazing with all you juggle. Life is hard. Let’s not make it harder and sadder by the comparison game. 🙂
I haven’t been on FB for years. Never signed up for or got into other social media. Although I scour the Internet for information and sometimes participate in certain groups to help me learn things, I don’t stay long.
Hang in there!
Nothing wrong with perfectionism when it counts…heart surgeon in the operating room, guidance system for airplanes…you get the drift. But not everything is as important. As an ICU nurse I have to discern what requires my attention first; headache vs heart attack. Headache might be bad, chest pain is never good. You get the point. There used to be a commercial for a perfume that showed a women singing “I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in the pan, and be your ever loving woman! Seriously?!! You might have gotten 2 out of 3 on my best day! ha ha. The commercial should have went on to say she died as 30 trying to keep all the balls in the air, and who even wants to try, but if you must… carry on. On this side of lifes journey (60 this year!) I realize some of the things I was concerned with earlier in life just don’t matter in the long run. When I read your blog I see a woman who runs a home, successful blog, cancer survivor, mother of young children, wife, friend, etc. All hard roles alone. I look forward to learning from you all the information I can use with my own pet and life. I have no idea if your house is clean or in fact if your family is eating from a tough, but if you are all happy…carry on. I am not ashamed to say that my house has dog hair, it may end up on my plate when I eat, I am not above plucking it out and continuing my meal. Because it just isn’t that important!
My mom is a super Type A personality, which is probably the reason I’m not. I’m not really a hot mess either – so I guess I’m in the middle. Truthfully, type A personalities stress me out and I generally keep my distance. Not that I don’t respect the heck out of super high achievers, I do – it is just not me.
Besides being perfect or trying to appear perfect must be a real drag sometimes, not to mention boring. I think our imperfections are much more interesting, make us unique, not to mention make for better (funnier) stories. I tell my daughter all the time that I just want to make sure she has plenty of funny material for her first movie (she wants to be a film director) and how boring her life would be if she had “normal parents”. So far, she agrees!
I’m a perfectionist in a lot of ways, obsessed with time management and lists. I spend my Saturday mornings making lists and that’s relaxing to me! Did I just say that out loud? Haha.
I think I’ve gotten pretty good in the last year at letting things go and not trying to do it all. Otherwise, whatever it is will definitely take over my life and it’s not worth it. I’m learnig to say “no” a lot more often.
And I’ve never been into fashion or makeup and have no idea how to style my hair. I feel like that saves me a lot of time and stress alone! Haha!
I had to read your definition of Type A several times to be sure. I hit maybe half of the items at work, and lower at home. Not outgoing, not status-conscious, etc. But I’m efficient, organized enough (at work, anyway), and a top producer. I doubt I would like someone who brags they are Type A, as they seem to say it as a flag pronouncing that they are better at everything than everyone else. Sorry, I’d rather have a life I love.