This space exists so that we can share honestly in a digital world that often is far too glossy.
So, here goes: Some days, today being one, I don’t like Cooper.
He can be a jerk. And, when he’s a jerk, I just don’t like him.
I love him, of course. I love him to pieces at all times. I don’t like him at all times.
I don’t like him today.
I really didn’t like him yesterday.
See, we’re dog-sitting my mom’s dog Otto for a month. He’s a 24-pound floof with a happy-go-lucky demeanor, though he’s overweight and untrained. He and Coop get along great. They skitter around the yard together. They chew a toy side by side in the evenings. They snooze together on the couch.
The only problem is Otto’s outright obsession with food (hence the weight problem) combined with not knowing any commands (like, “on your bed” or whatever) ALONG WITH Cooper’s unpredictable food-resource-guarding behavior means mealtimes are heavily managed.
(I call it unpredictable because it’s inconsistent. I think that’s probably the better word because it’s hard to guess what he’ll decide to guard. Nine times out of 10, he’ll share a bite of a cookie with another dog. He shares his toys. It’s just that flukey, unknown-to-me instance when that switches…)
Cooper eats on his mat in the kitchen, and the cats eat in their corners of the kitchen.
Otto eats in the hallway behind a gate.
They finish. I pick up the bowls and load the dishwasher, then I take down the gate.
Yesterday I followed that exact routine for breakfast. After I took down the gate, I turned back to the sink to pour milk into Violet’s sippy cup and within seconds, from a few feet behind me, in the corner where Newt eats, I heard the sound… the gut-wrenching angry, snarling, yelling sound of a fight.
I whipped around, snatched Cooper by the thighs and hauled him up wheelbarrow-style. I dumped him in the bedroom, closed the door, and checked on Otto.
Otto trembled. There, just behind his right ear: a puncture.
I felt sick.
It bled like crazy, so I cleaned it up. I got Violet ready and dressed.
I drove Otto to the vet. They cleaned him up and started him on an antibiotic.
The whole while, I’m fuming at Cooper.
Here’s what we think happened: Sometimes Newt picks up mouthfuls of her canned food and spits it on the ground next to her bowl and proceeds to eat from the floor. Both John and I think she must’ve done that and left behind tiny smears of cat food that they both went for at once.
I snarled at Cooper in my head through the whole drive to the vet.
WHY does he have to do stupid shit like this?
He gets plenty of food. WHY would he guard a smear of spit-out cat food?
WHAT IS HIS PROBLEM??? This is all his fault.
I wanted to cry, but Violet actually was crying (“Otto hurt! Otto sick!”) so I kept it together. I spoke with the vet as calmly as possible. They took Otto back.
They bandaged him. They stuck him in a cone. She said to take the bandage off and see if the puncture clotted after a few hours. “It really is tiny,” she said. “It’s just that the skin underneath tore, so it bled a lot.”
I parked Violet in front of Sesame Street and cleaned the floors. I picked up all the toys and stashed them in the closet, just in case. I texted John and asked him to pick up another gate on his way home so we could arrange two separate safe spaces, one for each boy, until Otto’s fully healed. They’ll be separated when we have to leave them at home. We’re also now feeding the cats on the table in the dining room instead of on the kitchen floor.
Cooper is just SO much bigger and so much more athletic and so much stronger than Otto. We simply can’t have this happen again.
And I know, I am very aware, that resource guarding is incredibly “normal” in dog behavior. But, just because something is normal doesn’t mean it’s acceptable. (This is an awesome post, btw, if you want to read more.)
Compounding the issues, Cooper doesn’t give clear cues as a warning, though. And, Otto’s vet told me she thinks Otto isn’t great at reading cues himself.
Two idiots acting like idiots with idiotic results.
I feel like all the #doggo memes and stuff like izdog make it seem like dogs are just happy, goofy loves who grace us with their innocence. It’s not totally wrong, but it’s not right either. We’re conditioned to think that dogs just fit in with human society through anthropomorphized or aggrandized dogs: Lassie, Pluto, all 101 dalmatians, Barkley (we’re deep into Sesame Street around here lately), Rin Tin Tin, and so on. It’s not fair to dogs who are whole other species with tremendous differences from us and from each other.
Yet I get mad at Cooper: WHY CAN’T YOU BE LIKE AIR BUD?
I don’t like him when he behaves like a jerk. I love him, but he stresses me out. It’s so frustrating and why can’t you just be normal?!?!
Eventually I’ll forgive him. Probably later today. But, for now, I’m mad at him at his jerky behavior.
I think this is the reality of being responsible for another species: Sometimes you don’t like them, you don’t like their behavior, you don’t like the added stress and pressure and responsibility piled on by this other creature.
Sometimes they’re the most wonderful things in the world. But not always. So, while I’m still mad at Cooper and I just don’t like him right now, I wanted to share this story in case it helped alleviate any pressure or burden someone else might be feeling if they’re struggling with their pup. It’s not all sunshine, rainbows, and #dabubbas.
Anyone else ever feel like this???
I’ll confess. There are times I don’t like my Titan, however, like you, I always love him. He’s so dysfunctional that it can make life more difficult. However, that is who he is and I deal with it daily. There are times I wish he would be normal and others I have thankful he is a nut case like me. 😉 I totally feel your pain. Don’t be too hard on the lil guy…..you’re doing the best you can.
B
This is LITERALLY what happens at our house with Truman – the smallest. Exactly what you said – if something falls on the floor and he does not notice it – no big deal. If he and another dog go at the same time….crazy! We often call this going “growley”.
We don’t know why….but we have some ideas….sometimes it is a bone/toy. So we watch carefully. Sometimes it is food, sometimes it is the couch…..we have learned to read him really well and determined he does this more often when he is not feeling well. Maybe his ear is bothering him, or his tummy.
Many times we do get a warning but other times – literally out of no where. When he is done going crazy and separated he “checks to see if he peed” (Not sure why but that is like his reset) and goes about the day like nothing happened. He never holds a grudge. It is so weird!
The strangest part is all 3 dogs drink water out of the same bowl. They all eat in the kitchen and we have never had a problem. It is like something just clicks in his crazy little puggle head.
We have learned to watch, and have learned, and we are often prepared – but still…sometimes we miss it. I don’t think it has ever happened when we are not home…at least we have never come home to find an injury.
Poor Rom when he was a puppy was much bigger than Truman but still ended up at the vet 3 times because he didn’t read Truman well and we were not close enough. I have had stitches….but other times….Truman is my little cuddle bug. We did training and the trainer had no idea who that other dog was I told stories about because Truman was such a good boy.
If you ever figure it out – let us know 🙂
Crystle
Oh…and he NEVER ever has done this to a person. Only other dogs….I can take anything away from him and there is no reaction other than the sad little eyes saying “Umm..I know you can take that from me and we are cool….but why did you take it and can I have it back please?”
I totally feel like this. Turk turns 7 months old on Friday and he’s very possessive. Everyone says it’s cute. It isn’t cute. I get close to my husband and if he’s in his kennel, he whines and cries. If he’s free, he will wedge his 50 pound wiggle butt in between us and mouth Hubby’s arms. He will actually lunge and body slam my 10 year old daughter, to separate us. I have tried so much. I put him in time out. I redirect his attention. I give commands. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, but the behavior doesn’t stop.
The weirdest part? If I’m not around, he’s an absolute love to both of them. I’ve made my daughter take him for walks. She feeds him about half of his meals. She spends time with him. Hubby plays with him all the time. Turk has simply decided that I’m his and he doesn’t want to share. He isn’t aggressive about it, as far as that I worry he’ll hurt them, but this can’t continue. I love my baby boy, but when he does that, I absolutely cannot stand him.
There have totally been times when I did not like Ray. Actually, if we’re being honest here I’ve told him before that I hated him. Even though I still loved him. He was such a difficult puppy and I would just cry over his behavior way too often, while tending to bleeding hands and ripped clothing.
And I’ve blogged before about Julius (CGC, ATD) being banned from Daycare. There’ve only been a few incidences in nearly 6 years but they’ve surely left me shaking and upset. We are very, very careful with toys, food and other resources and we still don’t exactly know the secret ingredient to make it not happen, but it hasn’t happened again in nearly a year (knockonwood) so maybe they’ve mellowed or maybe we are just vigilant enough.
For me, I’m sure I’ve been mad but being me, I just usually blame myself and sink into a shame spiral for awhile till the feeling passes.
There are times when I don’t like my dogs. There are probably even more tomes when I don’t like my children. I’m sure there are times when none of them like me much.
We all fall short of perfection.
I know this frustration. The important thing to remember is the dogs have moved on, which also makes it somewhat more frustrating!
Jan says it so well.
Thank you for letting us all vent, with your acknowledgement that life with dogs (or other living beings) is not all rainbows and sparkles. Yes, I sometimes really didn’t like Habi, I rarely but occasionally don’t like Obi, and new dog Rowan has some habits which really annoy me.
I think it’s more the behaviors that I dislike, and that leaks over to my feeling about the dog at that moment, and I compound it by being ashamed of/mad at myself for letting the situation get out of hand (especially if someone gets injured).
Then, when my better self struggles to the top, I realize that the behavior is the issue, and I work on a plan to manage or modify the behavior. Habi was the one who finally taught me that, and I will be forever grateful to her.
Your decision to keep the dogs even more separate when feeding, and separate when you’re not home, sounds like an excellent plan. Good luck for the remainder of Ollie’s visit!
Oops: Otto!
Yes. Yes I do. I still haven’t forgiven Shiva, not really, for more incidents than I am proud of – mostly because deep down I blame myself for every single one of them. I love her, of course, and the good totally is worth all of the bad a million times over. I remind myself every time it could have been much worse, that really, she is such a good dog. Or at least she tries to be until she forgets. But sometimes…
I really liked that pair of shoes, dang it. 😉
I used to tell my ex-husband that…”it’s a good thing I like you”. I get it. There is one thing I absolutely do not like about my dog–she won’t get into the car. Doesn’t sound like much right? Well I still work, the dog weighs 63# and I have to lift her from the sidewalk and carry her 15 feet at least to the car so I can take her to my moms’ when I work. She hist the ground when she sees we are going to the car. I am almost 60 years old. So, no, I don’t like everything about my dog, especially when my back aches and I am the sole breadwinner who must support our household and can’t afford a back injury. Not as bad as a dog fight, I am sorry that happened to you all. I am also sorry for Cooper too. Hope they make up soon!
To quote a much over-used phrase, “been there, done that”. Ducky was a challenge from day one. She drove us nuts. There were days when we didn’t like her at all; but we’ve always loved her to the ends of the universe and back. Right now she’s our rock.
I think you may have hit a nerve on this one Maggie. I can SO relate. It’s hard sometimes. I hope both dogs and you are doing better today.
Thanks for expressing what so many of us experience from time to time.
Loved this. It describes exactly how I feel quite often about my not so perfect dogs.
This is completely relatable and I’m certain everyone who owns pets has felt this way before. We have three dogs and of the three dogs, our largest feels the utter-most compelling need to start stuff with our cats. All of the time we catch him watching them and going after their tails. And if he’s not doing that, then he’s most likely trying to steal food out of the cat’s food dish on the counter, or our food like a loaf of bread, or something on our cutting board. It really makes us stare at him like ‘dude seriously, are you kidding me?.’ We love him to bits but sometimes, it really tests and infuriates us.
The good thing about pets is that, unlike some humans, they’re not actually going out of their way to be jerks. They’re just animals being animals. Anyway, that’s what I always tell myself on days when another dog rounds the corner on our walk and Mayzie goes all reactive-crazy-dog (so embarrassing). Or when Ranger pees in his crate because Smudge has been in there (seriously, dude? SERIOUSLY?). Or when Abby decides she doesn’t like a certain food anymore (you liked it last week!). Or when Smudge poops outside of his litter box for no apparent reason (it’s clean, dammit, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?).
They’re lucky they’re so damn cute.
I totally agree and feel the same. I can’t walk my dogs together because if Charlie reacts (which is inevitable), Jake follows whatever she does (even if he doesn’t understand why) and then I have 100 lbs. of reactive dog (total) on leashes that I can barely control. So I have to set aside 2 hours each night to walk them separately. It’s a pain in the butt and so time-consuming but I love them and they deserve to be walked, so this is what I do. Even though I have a “glossy” blog about hiking with my dogs, sometimes I want to hike by myself because then I could actually enjoy the hike instead of obsessing about what my dogs are doing. It’s a trade-off for having these wonderful furballs in our lives, but yeah, there are days when I just don’t want to deal with them. And yet, I still love them to pieces and would do anything for them. Thanks for sharing this important topic so we don’t die of dog-mom guilt!
Thank you for sharing the good stuff. In my mind, though, I’ve never really seen this behaviour as ‘resource guarding’, alone, but more like resource guarding for you. As you were turned around for an istant Cooper was only doing his best to take care of the situation. For you. Does that give Cooper an out? Wo ultimately knows. I feel for him. But what were your thought the instant you turned your back? Did that happen to have an affect? Thanks again!
Love this. I love my boy always. I ADORE him. I like him the vast majority of the time! But sometimes, for sure, there are times I don’t like his behaviour, or find I get irritated – and gosh, do I ever feel GUILTY for having those thoughts when they come up! It is like it is okay to not like other humans sometimes but sacrilegious to think that about a dog. Thanks for bringing this up and making us all realize it is normal, it is okay, and we are not alone. 🙂 glad Otto is okay.