When I saw the theme for this month’s positive reinforcement pet training hop–my training mentor or inspiration–my first thought went to trainers whose work I devour: Patricia McConnell, of course. Victoria Stilwell. Debbie Jacobs. Et cetera.
But I wouldn’t know about any of those amazing women without their critical predecessor.
When I started to really think it through, it hit me that my one-and-only dog-training mentor and inspiration, the one who pushed me into the world of positive reinforcement and canine cognition and group training classes and desensitization and counter-conditioning… all of it… could only be Lucas.
It had to be him.
See, when we adopted Emmett in 2006, we thought we knew what we were doing. My bestie taught dog training classes, and we enrolled in her group class the day after we brought Emmett home from the shelter. He did great in class. He did great at home. He did great at the park and at parties and out shopping.
This is so easy, we thought. Let’s adopt another.
Enter Lucas.
All of a sudden–before we even left the parking lot of the animal shelter, actually, when we discovered that he was so afraid of cars that he would. not. get. in. to go home… and what the heck do you do in a busy parking lot with dogs everywhere and you have the dog who you’ve known for 30 minutes who has turned himself into a Tasmanian devil to keep from getting into the backseat of the car? what. do. you. do.–we understood that we knew nothing about dog behavior.
Sure, we could teach tricks and manners and such.
But nothing that resembled teaching behavior.
The agony of those first few months… he didn’t want to be patted. He didn’t wag his tail. He didn’t play with Emmett. He didn’t snuggle. What he did want? He did want to throttle every single dog he saw, and we saw a lot because we lived in a dog-friendly condo building next to a dog-filled park in DC. He did want to chew our chairs to toothpicks. He did want to have total melt-down panic-attacks daily.
Once we tried to list all the things he was scared of, but it was an impossible feat. Let’s just say he was scared of the TV being on and of plastic bags, along with everything else you can think of.
Oh, and we had this crazy accident in which giant Lucas got so scared on a walk he took off like a shot, but I had the leash gripped so tightly that he flung me into a No Parking sign and into the road. My face and arms were crazy bruised, and I had my 30-day review at my new job that week.
What scared him?
Our neighbor drove past and said, “Hi, guys!” out his car window.
There were tears. Lots of tears.
But there was also this gleam in his eye. Like, we could see him in there. And he and Emmett were slowly becoming the very best buds. Once they started to play, they never, ever stopped. They began to cuddle together on a dog bed. Then he began to cuddle with us and wag and play with us and with toys. He was in there.
Then we’d open our front door, and he’d retreat.
We met with several trainers who gave him a label: aggressive. Thank goodness we kept seeking other answers because we knew he was just flipping terrified.
That was our foundation.
We knew him. We knew he was in there. We knew just how fun-loving and playful he was. It was just hard for him to access that part of himself because the defenses he built were so thick and so high and so dense that it took monumental effort to dismantle them.
Those efforts kicked off the positive reinforcement journey.
And oh, how it changed all our lives. By the time we lost Lucas in 2015, he was himself. He was that fun-loving guy that was in there hidden by fear because the fear (well, most of it) was gone.
He LOVED doggy daycare! I mean, who knew?! That first year, that second year, if you had told either John or I that Lucas would be enrolling in cage-free daycare and boarding there, we would have split our sides laughing so hard.
But he did, and he loved it to pieces.
At a reactive dog group class Lucas and I took, one of the our classmates turned to me at one point and said, “Are you really sure he’s reactive?”
Highest praise I’ve ever received.
But the thing is, I was taking that class with him seven years after we had adopted him. He was never “fixed” or whatever. We learned his triggers and how to manage them, but we worked at it. Constantly. And had backslides.
He was so fun. Such a big, fluffy ball of love, filled with light and laughter. He loved hanging out with people and wrestling with dogs.
He still had his fears, and they’d crop up sometimes unexpectedly. But, at the end of the day, I learned so much from him, my training mentor and inspiration, about patience and about perseverance. I learned how resilient a dog can be and how the best things in life take the hardest work.
He was my teacher and carried a little piece of my soul with him. I’m grateful for all the lessons he taught me, and I sure wish he were still around to guide me.
I could sure use some help with Cooper. 🙂
What a beautiful tribute to Lucas <3
I agree 100 percent!! ?
Thank you both so much. It was sort of cathartic to think through just how much he’s changed my life. Thank you for the kind words of support. 🙂
It’s always difficult trying to help a dog with “behavior issues” – cases in point, your Lucas and my Ducky – but our most important decision for that dog is to not give up.
I have not always been convinced that only positive reinforcement is the way to go. BUT I don’t believe in being harsh either. I have always tried to find a balance. Over the past few weeks, Ducky has shown me that the balance I thought was working hasn’t been. So, we’re pretty much starting over in some ways. But that’s ok. It’s all about Ducky. And so far it seems to be working. (Now if we can just get rid of this UTI she picked up somewhere!)
Ugh. I’m so sorry about the UTI. I think there’s something in the air… I have seen SO many of our dog blog buddies commenting about the same thing. Maybe it’s this weirdly warm, crazy weather?
But, most importantly, I love, love your point: to not give up. <3 You've done so much for sweet Ducky. It's an inspiration. <3
You brought tears to my eyes. Lucas was so lucky to find you, just as you were lucky to love him. I am smiling at your memories partly because they have a note of familiarity. My dog, Shyla, was scared of absolutely everything when we met her. The list of things that she wasn’t scared of was so short… Anyway, we’ve been on a similar journey which we are now about 4 years into. And we get a similar compliment sometimes – Are you sure she’s fearful? Yipee!!!!
Thank you so much for sharing this story.
Maggie – I’ll be teaching a class in local and online resources for reactive dogs through our community ed program this spring. May I reference this post? It’s exactly what I’d say, if I had your talent with words. Lucas (and you) may end up being a mentor for a wider circle. 🙂
Hi, Chris! That sounds like a huge honor! Thanks for thinking of me and for the kind words. Would you have a minute to email me some info about the course? My address is info (at) ohmydogblog (dot) com. Thanks!
That is WONDERFUL! Congrats to you and your girl. So huge!! I’m so proud of you both!
I miss Lucas. 🙁 This is wonderful .. as I’m struggling with more “wild animal” behavior with my Aussie cattle dog / Aussie shepherd mix!
That’s so nice, Dawn. I miss him so much, too. I’m sorry you’re struggling with your pup, but please know I’m cheering for you both from afar!! You got this! 🙂
Lovely tribute. Goes to show that all the work and tears are worth it. Reminds me of some of our struggles!
That’s so nice, Kari. Thank you. You know, I actually have a copy of your book sitting on my TBR pile. I set it aside because it came after Lucas passed, and I just felt like it would be too much with his loss so fresh. I think it’s about time I dig into it! Thanks for popping in and prompting me to bump it up the pile!
That’s a really beautiful post, I’m so glad Lucas was able to manage his fears and lead a fulfilling life. I know it’s not easy when you end up with a dog who is struggling with fear issues, but you prevailed! Congrats!
Love & Biscuits,
Dogs Luv Us and We Luv Them
Thank you, Cathy. I appreciate those kind words so much!!
Beautiful tribute. Tricks and manners are easy… now behavior? We are on that same journey and Mr. N also has improved so much! Thanks for joining the hop.
I’ve been following your progress with Mr. N, and he’s doing so well! Sometimes it gets hard to persevere… but it’s always, always worth it.
Thank YOU for hosting the hop! I’m only two weeks behind on catching up on comments and visiting the other blog (ha. only.) but I so enjoy this hop every month!
You are a wonderful person to stick with a dog who is so fearful. So many people would just take him back and find an easier dog. My mom likes challenges too and that is why she always chooses independent breeds. What a great tribute to a dog who changed your life.
Thank you, Emma! This: “My mom likes challenges too” YEP!! I love independent dogs, too, and independence was something Lukey had in spades! 🙂
Oh Lucas: I can relate to all of this and those first few years with him sound so emotionally exhausting and SO similar to my first few years with Sherm. Years later he’s manageable with positive reinforcement but still runs to the closet if he hears an airplane and barks and lunges at cars when on walks! Although with age sometimes he reacts to other dogs and sometimes he doesn’t (which is so bizarre) but I bet you look back on life with Lucas and smile about all the amazing times you had together – even the day you were launched into a sign — (I get it)… great post and thanks for sharing — certainly made me feel less alone in the world of reactive dogs!
YES. Such amazing points, Christy. Your final point is so huge… I think it’s one of the biggest, most wonderful aspects of the pet blog world. There are so many people who are struggling–not just with reactivity, of course–who feel so very alone. I know that’s how we felt in those early days. Being able to share and learn from each other is so amazing! I know you’ve done such an incredible job with Sherm, and I love following your stories, too. We can all learn so much from each other! Thank you for sharing!
I had my agressive dog euthanized, didnt have the right trainers, and i do beleive a rabies shot at the end was too much. i begged the doc to give herh alf, and he said half wont work, two days later she lunged at me 4 times. The other bites were different she’s latch on my hand., and it was very painful. until she would lit go. I must be a real piece of shit not to have helped her the way i needed to.
Hi, Michelle: I’m so sorry that you had that experience. I can’t imagine how difficult it must’ve been. I sincerely hope that you aren’t feeling judged in any way for your decision. Your dog’s story and my dog’s story are totally unique to them. I appreciate you sharing your experience, but please do know that this is a supportive, safe space to share without judgement. If you’re feeling that way about your own actions, I hope you find a way to find peace. But please know that no one here would judge you for your decisions. Your story is your own. These aren’t easy situations to deal with in any regard. Wishing you my best.
Amazing isn’t it, how much these guys can teach us? I’d say you and Lucas lucked out in finding each other.
I definitely agree with you on that one. 🙂
Beautiful post. Sitting on my lunch break reading this with tears in my eyes. Had to stop myself from full on crying a few times. Thank you for your words.
Oh, Rebecca. Thank you so much for your kind words. It means so much to me that his story matters. Thank you so much.
Ahhh so sad :(. Lucas is gone, but he leaves a memory that you guys will treasure it forever.
Training dogs has taught me so much about myself and life in general. Thanks for the story!
It’s always so sad losing a dog. I had a dog when I was a kid that hooked me on my love for animals!