Since December 6, 2011, the day I got my diagnosis, cancer has ruled my life.
After that, it was four surgeries followed by a year of chemo followed by five years–currently in progress–of quarterly tests and checks and appointments and driving to and from Indy a million times for blood work.
In the midst of that, in April 2014, Emmett’s diagnosis shifted everything. His surgeries. His chemo. His appointments, blood work, Purdue days.
Then Lukey’s diagnosis in March. Amputation. Chemo. Blood work. Radiology. More of it all so that we are either driving to Indy or West Lafayette every month. More often, though, there is a vet appointment or a doctor’s appointment every week.
After my initial staging, there was one fact that came up that John repeats often, “You were literally one millimeter from ‘all we can do is keep her comfortable’ versus being a candidate for chemo.”
With Emmett, it was a statistical given that he only had three to six months left.
Emmett and I beat every odd stacked against us. We continue to beat those odds–two weeks ago, I surpassed two years of being cancer free, and last week Emmett surpassed a year and a half. Statistical anomalies.
I wish with my whole heart, my entire being, every single scrap of my soul that everyone could be so lucky.
Lucas unfortunately, devastatingly is not.
On July 2, his radiographs were clear. This past week, tumors riddled his lungs. The chemo didn’t work. Metastatic osteosarcoma.
They’re not small. They showed up within six weeks. It’s not good. We were presented with three options: Do nothing but make him comfortable, bring him up to Purdue for weekly chemo IVs, or try an oral chemo at home. Neither chemo has been studied on his particular cancer, so effectiveness isn’t known nor is it known whether one version is better than the other. We’ve opted for the at-home version simply because we want to give him a fighting chance versus doing nothing, but we don’t want to make his last couple months a stressful round of drives and vet visits.
He can’t start until his white and platelet counts come back up, though, so we need to make peace with the fact that he might not end up being a candidate. We’ll know more later today. If he can start, and if he tolerates it, they’ll check tumor growth six weeks later. If he can’t start or if he doesn’t tolerate it, the discussion will change.
This isn’t where I thought we’d be today. We’ve been dangling by the cancer noose since 2011. Waiting. Watching. Panicking at every sign, symptom, test. For me and Emmett. Not Lucas. We’ve had time to mentally and emotionally deal with each step in the process. For me and Emmett.
This thing with Lucas? It swooped in and wrecked every mental and emotional defense we’ve built over all these years of fighting.
Here’s the thing about cancer: It’s indiscriminate. It’s unfair. It’s cruel.
I effing hate cancer.
Hello. I came across your blog for the first time today. Having read a few posts, and today’s post my heart breaks for you. I have 4 dogs of my own, and from my brief view into your life via the posts I have read we have many similarities – multi-dog households, reactive dogs, training experience and so on. I hope to read some of your past posts, as well as to keep following your blog. Anyway your post today touched me. You and your doggy family are in my thoughts, and I wish Lucas all the best in the coming months with his on-going treatments. It sounds (or looks – since i’m reading this!) that he has the best home he possibly could. Your love for him is evident.
Sending so much love to you all.
Oh, Maggie. I hate that you have had to go through all of this. *hugs*
oh DAMN. Cancer has no fan club at our house either. It’s awful. It’s just absolutely awful. I am so sorry. So very very very sorry. Oh Lucas. That face. That huge body!! That guy. Give him kisses on his nose and scratches behind his ears for me.
Maggie, we’re sending beagle vibes your way. Hope Everything turns out for poor Lucas!
Christie
Oh Maggie. I’m so, so sorry. I wish there was something I could do besides send big hugs your way. (((HUGS)))
Sh*t. Maggie, I’m so sorry to read this. Please know I am keeping you all in my thoughts.
My words fail me. Just know you and yours are always in my thoughts and prayers and I’m sending so much positive stuff your way.
Ugh. I effing hate cancer too. Cancer is such an asshole. I’m so sorry. (Is it… I forget the name of the at-home chemo we used with Abby… Palladia? I think that was the name. I saw it do amazing things for another dog at the same vet’s office and bought him a lot more good time. Hopefully if he can be cleared for it it will slow the mets.) Either way I know you’ll cherish whatever time you have together. Sending virtual hugs and pawsitive thoughts your way.
Cancer sucks. I wish you the best of days ahead and hope for minimal pain. Their time here is short as it is, but when cancer swoops in and takes them from us earlier than expected, the pain is so great. Our thoughts are with you.
I’m so very sorry to hear the news about Lucas. Please know that you have a lot of us out here sending our prayers and good thoughts your way.
I’m crying for you. With you. I don’t know why these things happen. i don’t believe cancer happens for a reason, I think it just happens and it ruins everything and it leaves us broken in it’s wake. But there are some things I do believe happen because they’re supposed to. Your boys were meant to be yours. You were meant to be theirs. Can you argue that anyone could know them better or champion them or love them more? A house with two beautiful anomalies — and although Lucas won’t be the trifecta, he has come so far because of his family. You made decisions with love and you set his leg free and he has hopped towards joy since. This news about his lungs is devastating and the next months will be hard and fear will lurk and you will have moments when you don’t know what your doing or what to do…my only advice to you is to love. You can’t control the fear or the anxiety or the outcome but you can wholeheartedly control the love. Love is our purpose, and YOU do it so well. And for that, Lucas has already won.
Cancer is the ultimate expression in selfishness. One little cell develops a mutation, doesn’t play by the rules, and spawns infinite copies of itself. This mindless little example of “I’ll do what I want!” causes havoc not only in the body it’s in but for everyone who loves the individual it’s happening to.
I’m so sorry this is happening to your sweet Lucas and to your family. Hugs, licks, wags, and purrs from everyone here.
I’m sorry Maggie. I am literally sitting in the nail salon, eyes filling up with tears. I have enjoyed your blog for some time. It helped me and Mojo, get through his many rounds of heart worm treatment. Mostly me, because he’s been a trooper. You are a wonderful dog mom, and I know Emmett and Lucas love you unconditionally, through the ups and downs. I will keep you all in my prayers, and keep loving your fur babies.
We do too, …………………………………………………..a million hugs. stellie rose and momma
I am so very sorry. My heart breaks for you.
Cancer is hateful Maggie, heartfelt wishes for a good outcome for Lucas. I wish you strength and fortitude x
Maggie, I am so sorry. Sending you a hug
Sending prayers your way. I am so very sorry for this news about Lucas. xo
Not fair. I’m holding you in my heart. Winnie and I will say furry little prayers tonight.
Maggie, I’m speechless and I can’t find the right words. So I hope it’s enough to say that I’m so, so sorry. And I’m wishing, hoping, praying, crossing fingers and paws that there’s something that can be done for Lucas. It’s just really, really freaking unfair. Hugs and love to all of you.
I’m sorry, that’s really terrible news. : (
Me and my furry one are sending you and your furry ones all the good vibes we’ve got. (John, too.) If there’s anything that we can do to help/support you guys, just say the word.
I am devastated along with you. So sorry to hear this awful news. Sending much positive energy to you and your family. I’ve been reading much good stuff about the use of Turmeric for tumors. My YaYa is using the Golden Paste to try and eliminate some what we think are just fatty tumors. They have been present for about two years. I am very open to trying anything that is not invasive and she doesn’t mind taking. Check out the FB users group Turmeric Users Group which is under the advice of an Aussie vet. They also have a great website with lots of information: http://www.turmericlife.com.au/turmeric-recipes-golden-paste/
We hate it too, and I hate that Lucas, and you and John, are going through this. It is not fair. I think you are doing the best thing for him, it’s what we would do as well.
I wish I had some profound words of wisdom to comfort you, but I’ve got nothing but heartbreak and tears for you. I’m just so sorry and please know that all of our thoughts, prayers, and hugs are with you all, and we are hoping for the best.
I’m so sorry to hear this. Eff cancer with the biggest stick possible. Sending thoughts, prayers, hugs your way.
Maggie, i am so sorry. I have an older dog too and I think about his health all the time. Cancer does suck. You have been strong throughout all of these health hardships, all I can do is pray that your strength once again will see you and Lucas through again this hurdle too.
Maggie, I have been following Lucas’s story since Ann first posted about it on the Pet Pals FB page. At the time, we had just taken our dog, Cassie, to Purdue; the previous weekend she’d had two seizures and was diagnosed with brain tumor, and within the week, she was gone. She was 12 but had seemed in perfect health, so it was a huge blow, and it was absolutely devastating to lose her. There was nothing reasonable that we felt we could do for Cassie, but I found comfort in reading what a fighter Lucas has been, and no doubt will continue to be. It’s obvious from your blog posts how connected and committed you are to your pets; also, John takes care of our puppy, Tadhg, a few days a week, and judging from the way he treats our dog (who is crazy about him, by the way), clearly Lucas couldn’t ask for a more loving home. I know he will continue to fight the good fight, and we (little Tadhg included) wish whole-heartedly for a positive outcome.
Oh Maggie. This breaks my heart – sending you lots of love and hugs and peace and anything else that can help you weather this storm. <3
This. Sucks. I’ve been trying for days and that’s all I can come up with. This sucks and it’s not fair. I’m sorry.
Just bad crap. Raise yourself above it all .. with your heart,
So very very sorry Maggie.
I am so sorry you and your family have to go through this horrible experience. My heart is breaking for you all. Sending you love, hugs and wishes for comfort and peace. <3
So so sorry Maggie. So often illness is overwhelming. As a dog owner/lover, I feel your pain. You have done the very best for your pets, and continue to do so under extraordinary circumstances. As a nurse, I can tell you that in the end, medicine is wonderful, but nothing beats love. You have certainly given that to your beautiful pets. You all are in my thoughts and prayers.
Maggie, I’m so sad to read this. I had Lucas in my mind a lot this past week with our Maggie’s diagnosis. I effing hate cancer too. Keep him comfortable give him lots of hugs and kisses and try to stay sane. I know it’s hard.
When is the next vet check for Mr. Hobbles? Maybe i don’t want to know. ;-/ Loved the recent story on cutie Cooper! We have his spiritual twin — when our Sasha sees a deer, or even a lowly squirrel, which is common here n the country — she completely looses her mind and I’m sure all the neighbors hear her screams. I laugh and look away and ask loudly “whose dog is this?!?” even tho i’m the one holding the [long] leash. We can relate!
[whoops — sorry — posted on the Lukey thread instead of the latest Cooper one]