It’s a revolutionary idea: You don’t always have to be fair when you have multiple dogs.
At least, it’s revolutionary to me.
I recently read Feeling Outnumbered? How to Manage and Enjoy Your Multi-Dog Household* by Karen B. London, PhD and Patricia McConnell, PhD. In it, they write (I’m paraphrasing big time) that it’s okay to alternate walks or to exercise one of your dogs in the yard or to not give treats to everyone at once or to work with one dog at a time. In other words, you don’t always need an equitable distribution of time and resources.
It was totally a light bulb moment for me. I practically shouted AHHA! YES!
Then they wrote, “That may seem like a stunningly obvious thing to say, but when you’re the one in the middle of a forest of paws, it’s easy to lose track of the path out of the woods.”
Yep.
Of course, I’m not advocating that you pour all your time, attention, and treats onto one dog and ignore the others or anything like that.
However, this concept helped me feel less stressed almost instantly. As I mentioned yesterday, the walking situation around here is stressful with a dog-reactive dog like Lucas. Because I want to walk him when John is nearby for back up (exactly because of incidents like yesterday) I haven’t been walking him much. Then I feel guilty walking Cooper and Emmett because poor Lucas is stuck by his lonesome. So we play an indoor game like “chase the treat” instead. It never really occurred to me that it’s okay to walk Cooper but skip Lucas, or take Emmett to the pet store and leave the other two at home. It never really occurred to me that Emmett and Lucas didn’t also need treats while we were cleaning Cooper’s ear, or that just because Emmett is getting wet food to take his medicine the other two don’t need wet food, too.
Duh, right?
If you struggle with this same feeling of guilt, the desire to be equal, I encourage you to let it go! It’s only been a few days for me, so it’s not habit yet, but I love the “Hey! It’s ok!” concept of it all.
For those of you with multiple dogs: Do you strive to keep everything equal all the time? How do you divide time/resources among multiples? Have you already let go of this idea of equitability at all times?
Disclaimer: I bought this book through Amazon. The link above is an Amazon Affiliate link, which means you don’t pay more, but if you purchase after clicking that link, OMD! gets a couple cents to help alleviate our costs.
I struggle with this too especially because one dog requires more time/resources than the other. And then I feel like one dog is getting left out.
The foster pup is perfectly content with cuddles and food. Mr. N, on the other hand gets antsy without walks and exercise and training. Plus he is reactive too so his walks tend to be training walks. And have you tried juggling a bag, two dogs, a clicker and treats at the same time? Near impossible.
Yes! Carrying all those things while managing behavior?! Nearly impossible! Especially when you have a reactive pup like Lucas and Mr. N. I hope you feel less guilty this week!
Not a chance I could let go of the equitable approach! I know me and I know the doodles’ faces. Clean Lilly’s ears? both get a treat. Dash comes when called from the backyard? Both get a treat. Time for a walk? Both go. Bring a dog to work? Neither come or, yep, one gets to go to daycare and one comes to work, but both have an adventure. Dash doesn’t eat breakfast when Lilly does? YEP Lilly gets a second breakfast (that one I do know to be embarrassed about and it hasn’t happened frequently). I will join you in your resolve to look at each dog as individuals. Maybe Lilly will lose a pound or two…
It sounds like you have a great attitude!! My problem was the feeling of GUILT that came with it, but I love your positive spin. The individuals thing is tough, too, when your’re used to lumping everyone together. Apparently EmmettLucasCooper is my fourth dog? Good luck with Lilly’s weight loss. That’s a tough one to tackle!
Wow, great timing on this, I’ll have to look up this book. We have four adult dogs, then we lost our minds and fostered 3 9- week old pit-bull mix puppies for six weeks. They were adorable, roly poly, squeaking balls of complete joy. Thankfully two of our girl dogs are saints and took on babysitting duties and let all three puppies jump all over and chew on them. 2 of the puppies got adopted and we are keeping one, cause we are suckers, but that also puts us at 5 dogs and 2 cats 🙂
I feel guilty at times and feel not everyone gets enough attention or snuggle time, even though everyone is happy and well adjusted. But after reading this, hopefully we can balance it out a bit better and not feel quite as guilty 🙂
Oh, my gosh. You have your hands full! I definitely recommend that book. It’s super short, more of a booklet, but full of really great ideas for training and walking multiple dog households! Please feel less guilty!! Balance is a myth, and you’re doing great already!
Just their personalities will make things feel inequitable. Graham is more of a snuggly lap dog who seeks out cuddles. Hershey prefers her space (unless it’s time for bed, then she wants MY space) and will move if I’m hugging on her too much. I feel bad about this at times but she was like that before Graham was in the picture so they’re both getting what the need from me.
That is a really good point. A lot of effort has to go into adjusting training/exercising/cuddling/etc. efforts to fit their individual personalities. Cooper would have a melt down if he didn’t get to sit on my lap while I read at night, but Lucas would just die if I tried to force that same level of cuddliness (is that a word?) on him!
I have 4 dogs, one adopted just before Christmas. When giving treats, they all get one. With walks and exercise, I usually have two dogs with me at a time. They are all different so I try to give each one what she needs. At the moment the newest member of the family needs more time and training because she has separation anxiety so the others have to entertain themselves more. I do feel a bit guilty but that’s the way it has to be right now. I’ll make it up to them later.
It definitely takes an extra bit of effort if one requires more than the others. That’s how I feel about Lucas and walking… because he’s so dog reactive, I prefer to walk him alone, which always felt unfair to the others, especially on days when we only had the ability to do one walk. It sounds like you have the right attitude, focusing on making it up later! That’s a great shift in thinking, and I hope you focus on that instead of the guilt! You’re doing great!
It’s hard. I used to perfectly count out treats to make sure equal numbers were given. I would walk a treat over to a dog too lazy to come get it. I used to stress that I was taking one dog more places than the other. Slowly, I have gotten over it. I might have to read that book.
I’m proud of you! That’s been my struggle… I’ll give Emmett and Cooper a piece of cucumber while I make my lunch but then feel bad that Lucas didn’t get one, so I cut him a piece then go find him where he’s sleeping – and couldn’t really care less about the food – to give him one. Ugh! That’s a ME problem, not a THEM problem. I’m glad you’ve been getting over it… I’m hoping to follow suit!
I found myself feeling guilty about not giving each of my two-legged daughters exactly the same amount of time – spending the exact amount on their birthday and Christmas gifts – giving each the same of everything. It didn’t take long to realize that not only was it not possible to divide myself so exactly between my three girls, but it wasn’t even necessary. Each had their own personality, and as such, they did not have equal needs. Even for what I gave them. I have five Treeing Walker Coonhounds and three cats. The cats each let me know what they want they want and it’s easier to know just how much attention and extras to give to them. My five Coonhounds are a little harder to figure out, but since there’s no way I can walk all five at once, or take all five to PetSmart, etc. My Suki is old and spends most of her time sleeping. I DO take her for walks, but we keep them short and avoid extreme temperatures. My others, however, have more energy so I typically take two at at time for walks, and there are some days they don’t get “equal” walks, but if you look at things over a week or two, it does even out a bit more. My two boys love to play – to chase toys and run around. My other two girls are more cuddly, although they do play in their own way. I try to interact with each in ways they like best. As long as they are happy and healthy, I don’t feel guilty about not dividing myself into exact parts for them.
“As long as they are happy and healthy, I don’t feel guilty about not dividing myself into exact parts for them.” LOVE that point!! Thank you for taking the time to share your experience and insight. I’m going to remember that the next time I’m feeling guilty for leaving someone at home!
Great post, Maggie. I think I’ve learned to let go somewhat. I simply had to in order to give each of the dogs what they need for exercise, since they’re all different. Now, if one gets groomed or something else done to them, they all think they should get a treat! I’m having trouble convincing those beagles otherwise. 🙂