Some days, I get frustrated with the boys.
After five awesome walks, Lucas lunges and snaps at another dog on that sixth walk. While I take two minutes to empty the dishwasher, Cooper crawls under the bed to shred the bottom of our mattress. Emmett decides to drag me across a conference room where we’re presenting about therapy dogs just to get to the buffet table in the back.
Sometimes I wish I could talk to them, just for a couple minutes. No luring, shaping, clicking, rewarding, hand signaling, or anything. Just two minutes to speak to them and have them understand me.
Off the cuff, this is about what I’d say to each of them…
Emmett: You are a wonderful boy. My angel. But please stop pulling me everywhere. Oh, and don’t eat whatever junk you find on the floor, on the counters, in the park. I promise that I will never, ever let you starve and will continue to give you tons of treats, but please stop eating whatever crap catches your nose.
Lucas: You are a sweet, darling teddy bear. Please let other people and dogs see that. I promise that I will always keep you safe, but stop lunging and snapping at other dogs. If you can be as nice and friendly outside as you are inside, we can go to the park every day, instead of just when no one else is there.
Cooper: If you stop chewing up our furniture, rugs, baseboards, clothes, sheets, and anything else that’s ours and not yours, I will take you to the pet store and let you pick out your own toys. Seriously. For the love, please stop. Oh, and don’t eat grass or mulch. You know how your stomach gets upset every couple of days? You’re doing it to yourself, buddy. Knock it off.
And then I’d use the balance of my two minutes to gush over how much I love them. 🙂
If you had two minutes to talk to your dog – and he/she/they would understand you in English, without having to teach or train or reward – what would you say?