Emmett and Cooper are thick as thieves.
They just prefer to be together.
In fact, we make an effort to separate them on occasion because, well, Emmett’s not going to be around forever, and Cooper needs to learn to be alone. When we walk one, the other sits at the door and waits. When one wants to go outside, the other goes, whether they needed/wanted to or not.
That said…
They got into a fight Monday night.
Like, a fight fight. And, it’s the second one this month.
Honestly, I’ve waffled about sharing this story for a couple reasons, but let’s first back up a bit…
Way back when Lucas was sick, after his amputation, Emmett and Cooper got in several fights at dinnertime over the span of a couple months. We were shocked because they’ve always gotten along so perfectly. We thought maybe something else was going on, so we talked to our vet, and she gave them the all-clear medically but said that, with Lukey’s illness, it wasn’t all that surprising. She said stress, changes in routine, all of it, could easily cause tensions to flare.
So, we instituted the mat system to keep them separate at dinnertime, and that was pretty much that.
Until now.
It’s sort of the same scenario, though entirely different. Emmett’s mobility diminishes each day.
{{I’m going to write more about that in full in another post. Truth: It’s sort of why I’ve been avoiding writing anything because it’s a lot to process. But… soon…}}
He falls. A lot. He’s wearing boots and a GingerLead almost always. Our routine has changed to accommodate him. And, I don’t know, Cooper is SUCH a sensitive little guy. He is super smart, for sure, but he’s always been reactive… guided by his emotions, not his head.
A couple weeks ago, I was cleaning the kitchen. I had my headphones on listening to an audiobook (Everyone Brave is Forgiven… you guys, after like 11 hours of listening, I didn’t like it. Sigh.). The dogs follow me everywhere all the time, so–of course–they were puttering around my feet.
They were both behind me while I cleaned the counter, and so I have no idea how it started, but in a flash John was running in from the living room and we were pulling them apart.
Neither dog was hurt, thank goodness. But.
It’s always devastating when your dogs fight, you know? We were more shaken than they were because literally within 30 seconds they were totally back to normal, like nbd.
Fast forward to Monday night. John and I were sitting on the couch, watching Friends reruns on Netflix, eating boxes of Girl Scout cookies (yeah… boxes… plural… #noshame). The dogs were puttering around, as usual. Somehow they both ended up between the coffee table and the couch, and I don’t know if it was that Emmett was losing his balance or that we had cookies in hand or who knows what, but again… a flash, and we’re pulling them apart.
This time, Cooper has an injury… sort of a split/fat lip.
Sigh.
And, to be totally honest, I hesitated to write about this because I sort of feel like it’s shameful. Here I am, a pet industry professional, with my own dogs getting into fights. Plus, I’m sensitive about the crowd that crows about them being pit bulls, you know? But, I was talking to a blogger buddy, and she said something like, “You have to write about this because I bet a lot of people who experience this don’t know where to go for help.”
Well, fair enough.
So, here’s a bit of help: Luckily (?) I had the opportunity to research and write about how to stop a dog fight a couple years ago, so I have the tools at my disposal. If you’re facing this in your house, or at the dog park or whatever, go read that piece.
My advice, which I’m trying very hard to take for myself, is to gather some perspective. In our case, I think it’s a matter of perspective, anyway. If your dogs are constantly going at each other or injuring each other, seek a professional, science-based trainer ASAP. Safety is the most important thing, for you and for your dogs, so keep them separate until you can work with a pro.
If you’re like us, where it’s situational, try to identify the triggers. I think we have an overarching stress factor that we can’t really combat right now, but we can be extra cautious when there’s food around since that’s been the consistent trigger for them.
Practice the wheelbarrow technique in the article above, if that makes you feel better. I’ve been thinking about, too, how my siblings and I used to fight. Things that wouldn’t normally push your buttons, on a bad day can totally send you over the edge, and it’s the same for our dogs.
Take deep breaths.
That’s what I’m working on, anyway.
Have your dogs ever fought? Have you ever had to break up a dog fight?
Please do share your experiences in the comments! As my friend pointed out, this community helps us all realize… we’re not alone in our crazy, devoted love for our dogs, even when they behave like idiots.
Amanda
It’s amazing how much Cooper and Daisy seem to be alike. I know that Loki and Daisy seem to find small spaces more stressful and somehow she always thinks we need to help when we scold him. But other than that, they’re great buddies who love to trade bones and toys back and forth, and sleep back to back in the sunshine. Some dogs (Cooper/Daisy) just find certain things stressful. You’re not a failure, you just have a sensitive soul in your house.
Maggie
I know! I always think that, too, when you share Daisy stories. They are sensitive souls, which is a huge strength in so many ways. <3
Crystle
Reading this makes me tear up a bit…I know that feeling you have. Ours is Truman. We don’t really know when it started – but lucky for us we have a pretty good handle on it now. We can see the triggers. We avoid situations that we know can cause a problem. It has only ever been dog/dog – never a person…. Its like the calm before the storm…he gets still – growls – looks from the side of his face….if we approach the wrong way he goes “growley” as we call it at my house.
We did training when it first started – when we got Rom actually. I think Rom being a new puppy – he didn’t know how to deal with “growleys”. Not that he should – but both dogs literally know how/when to avoid Truman when things get tense now. Truman did great at training! The trainer asked often – are you sure this is the dog you tell stories about?? Yup – that little cuddle bug looses it…..
It is generally not food aggression – unless it is treats. If all 3 dogs are sitting waiting for a treat and OMG something falls out of your hand onto the floor – Truman gets it. If not – Growleys. Right now our solution other than being careful is to push the other two out of the way and just let Truman have it. The other two are good about it….
When we give them bones – we keep Truman separated and if not separated we keep a really close eye on him. If the dogs have bones and Truman leaves his to go outside – we literally have to pick up the bone – show him we have it and he watches us put it somewhere to “keep safe” for him. We think he understands – he does a little sniff of his “stuff” and he is good to go. Otherwise if he comes in and if there is a dog around or that bone is not where he thinks he left it – growleys.
All three sleep in the bed with us (yes crazy!) Often 1, 2 or all get up in the middle of the night to go outside and I am the sucker that lets it happen. Anyway – if Truman is in bed – and Lincoln comes in (Linc always has high energy) watch out – we hold Truman, he growls a bit then almost shakes it off. (Thanks Taylor Swift!)
Truman is a big cuddler. We say sometimes he “cuddle stalks” Chuck. He follows him around until he sits down and Truman jumps right up. It really is adorable….but sometimes if one of the other dogs is sniffing around trying to get attention – mild growleys. Not full on fight in .2 seconds – but more of a watch out.
Chuck thinks it happens more often when Truman might not feel great. I just don’t know. Its crazy though how fast he snaps out of it – and completely lets it go. They say dogs don’t hold grudges….Truman does not hold a grudge. He can go back to playing right away with no problem.
Maybe more than you wanted/needed – but this post hit me pretty hard….good luck with your boys…..all you can do is keep paying attention…..
Maggie
Thank you so much for sharing your story and experience, Crystle. It is so hard, I totally understand. It’s interesting because Cooper is our big cuddler, too, and with all his health issues, I’ve always wondered how interrelated it all is. I know there are a ton of studies that show there’s a link between the human gut and anxiety, depression, etc., so I wonder if it doesn’t make sense that when a dog feels “off” that the sensitivities heighten. Who knows. I’m so grateful for you sharing your experience with all of us. Hugs to you and scritches to your handsome boys!
How Sam Sees It
We occasionally have dog fights. Nothing recently thankfully. The goldens are pretty mellow, none of our trio has food issues, and for the most part, there are no jealousy issues to worry about.
Good luck!
Monty, Harlow, and Ramble
Maggie
Sounds like you’ve found a wonderful balance. Thanks so much for sharing!
Ingrid
One of the reasons I chose to adopt Millie was that she was a submissive, female puppy. I tried so hard to stack the deck in my favor, but sometimes the best laid plans, right? Murphy my older boy was such a jerk to her when she was a puppy, (crate, baby gates to the rescue) then again when he had ACL surgery, which was understandable. But after Millie hit about 2 years old she started getting snarky back. I hated that. Then things calmed down, but then it’s happened a handful of times, usually food is the trigger. Last night, it was a box I was opening on the dining room table, Murphy was underneath, his usual post and we noticed Millie growling at him intently, which we never witnessed before. I jump up and grab her and put her in another room (still have baby gates). Murphy will always stop from my voice (it’s just like two bears on their hind legs type of bravado stuff fighting) but Millie has a super strong opposition reflex, which means when I intercede and grab her away from Murphy, she gets more intense toward him.
It’s way harder on me and I’m hyper aware of food and bone triggers. They are separated during meal times, and bones are given separately too. They will probably never be best snuggle pals, but they do play outside at times and they sure do recover from a fight in no time, unlike me.
So I am right there with all of you who want our pups to always get along, but in reality, that’s not always the case. They do live in the moment, so we need to remember that and do our best to set them up for success as much as possible.
Best always,
Ingrid, Murphy and Millie
Maggie
Thank you so much for sharing your story, Ingrid. It sounds like you’ve done an incredible job with them, and I hope you’re a very proud Dog Mama! Identifying the triggers seems to be the key, at least as far as prevention. Those unexpected instances crop up, though, and it always feels like such a huge setback, at least to me.
I’m so glad they get over it so quickly. These guys do, too, and it definitely takes me way longer to move on… I think because we humans have a tendency to over-think. Thank you again for sharing. I’m so grateful you took the time to provide your experiences and insights!
Love Lives On
I’m sorry you are stressed,and that they are getting into spats. I think we forget, because for most of us, they get along so well, that dogs can have issues too. Like you said with your siblings. I mean I get annoyed daily at people that I love (hopefully none of them are reading this!). When I got Melvin, and Max was nearing he end, Melvin would be sweet as could be to Max and then in an instant would stand over him growling. In working with a behaviorist, we identified that Melvin knew max was near the end. I’m going to leave that one there because they were only together two months and I just had to keep Melvin on a short leash around Max. With Jake and Melvin, they’d be fine and then Jake would be a jerk and he’d tried to fight Melvin and Melvin would take the high road (thank goodness). When Melvin got sick, Jake’s love for him went into overdrive, Jake could have not loved Melvin more, BUT that could have gone the other way and I talked about that with our behaviorist. Dog sense so much, our stress and anxiety, the other dog’s stress and anxiety and they worry too, and they lash out because moments feel different and they don’t have confidence in some of those new situations. And sometimes it’s not possible to make everything OK again so you have to give them time to adjust to the new normal. That’s easier said than done when there are spats and you are suddenly on high alert and they realize that too! WHYYYYYYYYYYY does it have to be so hard! I guess my feeling about your situation is this…things are changing, and they dogs realize it. It probably just requires a look at the day and a new plan of what’s best for each dog right now (and that might not be what they agree with). That an A LOT of deep breaths. Sending much love. xoxo
Maggie
Oh, Tracey. I’m so thankful you shared all this. I honestly worry about the nearing-the-end piece because it was about the same timing with Lucas, too. Sigh. Who knows, but I do know that Cooper is SO attuned to us and our emotions that I think he over-reacts when we’re experiencing stress, which we totally are. I think you are so right with all your insights, and I’m grateful for our shared experiences. Hugs to you and a big old kiss on the nose to dear Doug!!
Callie, Shadow, and Ducky's Mom
First of all, Maggie, don’t feel guilty. I know – much easier said/written than done – but the best advice I can give you as it is NOT your (or John’s) fault.
Dog fights happen, even between dogs who truly love and adore each other. I was home alone with Callie & Shadow – before Ducky – one day when I heard them “arguing” with each other in the living room. I raced in there and grabbed Shadow from behind and got them apart. Callie walked away and I put Shadow in a down-stay on the opposite side of the room. As I went to see what could have caused the malay, I saw a palmetto bug scurry across the dog bed where they’d been arguing. EWWW! I stomped it, flushed it down the commode, and proceeded to wash the dog-bed cover.
The girls had had other arguments before when Callie got too close to Shadow’s food bowl, so I can only assume that Shadow was guarding the bug as a “snack”. Ugh! They always shared their toys very nicely (until Ducky came along and when she wasn’t in the house to start anything).
Ducky still gets snarky with Shadow at times; but 99% of the time I’m close enough to stop her before it escalates. And, like Callie, Shadow will walk away once I have the demonbrat under control.
Maggie
It’s all so complicated, isn’t it? So much to learn about their behavior, quirks, relationships, etc. It’s what makes dogs so wonderful, but then also causes these challenges!! Your stories illustrate exactly just how intricate and complex the bonds between animals (and humans and animals) can be. Thank you so, so much for taking the time to share your story. I just love your girls so much, demons and all. Big hugs!!
Lindsay
Sorry to hear of the health issues and the fights.
Mine haven’t had a real fight but Ace went after Remy and drew blood on his head one time when Remy was really little. I felt horrible. Today, they still don’t fight but Ace snarls ferociously. Remy starts it by taunting Ace. And Ace will have none of it and really snarls (Remy just darts away, enjoying the reaction!). Sigh.
Your advice is good. Really defining the triggers and managing stress for all the best you can is all good advice.
Maggie
Silly Remy! Pushing those buttons like only puppies can! 🙂
Erik N.
Hershey is the one of mine who gets into fights. Her triggers at the dog park are: 1) getting too worked up when playing. 2) Someone running into her when she isn’t paying attention. 3) Fluffy white dogs. I don’t know why but she has an intense dislike of FWDs. At home her trigger is Marsha having something she wants, usually food. Marsha is by this point, very wary of Hershey intruding into her personal space and/or getting too excited. At times she seems like she’s about to start something, but I’ve never seen her do so. I don’t think either of the girls have gotten into a fight with Graham.
Maggie
It’s a wonderful thing to know the triggers, I think. At least for us, that’s gone a long way to help mitigate other potential problems, though it DOES make us a little jumpier for a few days after a fight over something unexpected (or completely unseen, as in the case in the kitchen I shared above). But, as you describe, they do find ways to work it out among themselves and come to some sort of accord. Thanks for sharing the s’more dogs’ stories. 🙂
stella rose
Thank you for sharing your story. I imagine several of us, let out a sign of relief, because sometimes this can be a hard topic to talk about…cos after all we have pugs, you know those round, funny little clowns, that always are full of love ACCEPT when they came from one of the 100 Worst Puppy Mills on the USDA site, and food is involved, and one of them is blind or one of the girls thinks she owns the only boy and we have a high school jealously thing going on….it make my heart stop when it happens, and I truly wish it never would, but it does and as you and everyone else has said, triggers, and even dogs have bad days. So we breathe, and before long, they are back to laying side by side on the couch, ………………….deb
Maggie
Thank you, Deb, for sharing your story. I do think all those special needs and differing abilities play into it somehow, at least that’s how it’s been around here. I think as Emmett’s lost his hearing, he’s a little more defensive in general. Such a good point about the jealousy issues, as well. Thank you so much for sharing your story as I know it isn’t easy. I’m so grateful and sending you big hugs!
Jan k
Judging by the lengthy comments you’re getting, this was definitely a much needed post! It’s so tough to write about these things, but anyone who has dealt with it feels so relieved to know they’re not alone. We started getting it when we had 4 dogs and the puppies got older. First it was Moses and Kobi, then Moses and Cricket, then Cricket and Sheba.
We also learned to watch for the triggers – treats and toys. Plus I learned loud noises would break them up (I’d bang pans together). Cricket was the worst – we’d always have to separate her until she could calm down.
Then last summer, it started with Luke going after Sheba. I think it was because Sheba was not well, and she was more needy. Luke is very jealous. Now that Sheba’s gone, he’s starting with Cricket. Sigh. Sheba always backed down, and Luke would also stop when being yelled at. But Cricket is not likely to back down so we have to be even more diligent. When Luke is feeling jealous, at least most of the time he’ll give a warning growl, so I can separate them or distract him by making him lie down or come with me.
Maggie
Thank you so much for saying that, Jan. That’s something I always need to keep in mind… this community is so amazing for supporting and sharing. None of us are alone when we take the time to share our stories. Thank you so much for that reminder!
Great tip about the loud noises. I bet that’ll help someone looking for a quick-stop trick!! Thank you so much for sharing your experiences!
Mirella
It can happen when we least expect it. Don’t feel bad and thank you for sharing.
Mirella
http://Www.livetmedhund.se
Maggie
Thanks, Mirella!
Barbara Rivers
My two pups are Boxer mix litter mates who I raised since they were 8 weeks young, and thankfully, they have never fought (they’re 5.5 now). It’s always been the most natural thing in the world for them to eat next to one another in a calm manner, always after having been exercised. I think it’s been a lot easier to shape their behavior because I got them when they were so young. It’s hard to fully know the history of older dogs you adopt.
That being said, I have had to break up a dog fight in my capacity as a professional dog walker/pet sitter. One of my clients has 4 dogs I was pet sitting at their house one weekend. They’re all rescues. Two of them (Boxer-American Pit Bull Terrier mix and a Mountain Cur) got into a fight over a toy we were playing with outside – thankfully, the fight didn’t last long, maybe 10 seconds, but boy, did it seem ever so long. I managed to pull them apart on their collars, which of course could have backfired, but I got lucky. Neither of the pups had serious wounds, and they were fine with each other after the fight was over. Ever since, I no longer play with them using toys, and I always carry a vinegar spray bottle, storm whistle, and pepper spray on me when caring for that pack, just to be on the safe side.
Seeing how the pups fell back into their regular routine after they fought was definitely a reminder not to dwell on the past for too long. We as humans tend to get overly hung up on a past event, and our dogs are such good reminders to just move on with life. It’s not always easy to do, but it’s a good idea to take a few deep breaths and work on moving on.
Maggie
That must’ve been scary in the moment, especially since they weren’t your own pups. I’m so glad it ended as well as it did. Those are really great tips, Barbara. The spray bottle and whistle are brilliant. Thank you so much for sharing!!
Mandy
I have two rescue dogs; Buddy a 7 year old dutch shepherd mix, and Dexter a 2 year old bluetick coonhound/german shorthaired pointer mix. They are both super lovable and live for snuggling on the couch and long walks outside. 99% of the time they get along great and even snuggle one another. However, every once in a while Dexter will go after Buddy (or other family dogs) in what appears to be for no reason. He does not give a warning growl or any sign of being upset, and then will all of a sudden lunge, growl and bark at the other dog.
Buddy is a very sensitive dog and is frightened very easily. You can tell after one of Dexter’s episodes he tries to stay away as much as possible. It is really sad to see Dexter go after the dogs especially when we have not been able to identify what sets him off. So far all we have been able to come up with is that he may be claustrophobic since most of the incidents occurred in a confined space. But he also cant stand to be alone or not on top of one of his humans and has NO sense of personal space so the idea that he gets claustrophobic seems unlikely.
It happens very rarely, but if you have any insight to what to look for or what may cause these random tantrums I would greatly appreciated it.
Maggie
Gosh, that sounds frustrating, Mandy. I completely understand and sympathize. I think sometimes when we watch dogs behave in ways that don’t make any sense to us or see out of the blue, it’s easy to forget that they have an entire set of teeny, tiny little cues and signals that we humans usually miss… from the smallest twitch of an ear, to the change in the way the tail is held, and so on. In those instances, the only suggestion I’d make is to look around… see what’s consistent. Is there a toy or treat nearby? Is it always the same person who’s with them (people are valuable resources, too, it’s not just toys and treats!)? Or maybe a closed space without a clear exit? I’d also suggest a quick convo with your vet at their next check-ups. There might be something underlying, like a loss of hearing or sight or a soreness or something, that causes Dexter to be more reactive. Let me know what you discover, and we’ll all be thinking good thoughts for you and your crew!
Melissa Hoover
I like the real story behind this blog. A lot of people don’t understand some of the challenges dog owners face, as well as the stressors dogs go through daily. It takes a nice balance to speak about training while maintaining that human quality to any blog. I’m trying to strike the same in my training website: LetMeDogThisForYou.com, I might need to write up a piece on pet aggression with other dogs… it seems more that you have a specific case of just an older/younger dog here. Maybe a bit of resource guarding too… ? Hope all things work out with these guys.
Maggie
Thanks so much for the kind words, Melissa. If you do end up writing that piece, please come back and share it here so others can benefit!
Lara Elizabeth
I’m more familiar than I’d like to be with dog fights. My two previous dogs, Lasya & Freya, co-existed peacefully 99.9% of the time. They never loooooved each other, not like Ruby & Boca. That .1% equated to several BAD fights, resulting in emergency vet visits/stitches, and I don’t know if I’ve ever really gotten over it because I know how quickly and from out of seemingly nowhere a fight can occur. I seriously considered not having two dogs again, and certainly not two females…fast forward to The Ginger Sisters, compatible as can be. Even they have had a scuffle or two when someone (Boca) plays too rough and someone (Ruby) loses her temper.
It sure as heck doesn’t reflect AT ALL on your skills as a pet guardian/trainer/blogger! Especially when it’s a sudden change like this. I’m going to guess that as Emmett’s mobility decreases, his defenses are up and his fuse shorter. Boca growled at Ruby once shortly after her eye surgery, I was really taken aback by it, but logic says she was feeling vulnerable and likely uncomfortable.
Be kind to yourself, pat those good boys, and take the new days as they come.
Maggie
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and your wisdom! I completely understand the never really getting over it. Absolutely. I think you’re right about Em’s shorter fuse… I think he’s finally starting to “get” his limitations, and he’s seemingly more guarded than how he’s ever been before, which makes sense. Your example with Boca and Ruby is spot on and, I think, a perfect correlation to what’s going on with these guys.
Thank you for always being a voice of kindness and reason! 🙂
Kristin
I have only had one dog at a time so I haven’t experienced breaking up fights at home. However, just this past weekend my daughter and I were walking Ruby and there was an incident with another dog. A little girl about seven was walking her dog and when her dog saw Ruby she dropped the leash and the other dog went after Ruby. I admit – I was caught off guard and I kind of panicked. Not only were there two fighting dogs, but there were two little girls who I had to stop from reaching in to break up the fight. Ruby didn’t really fight back, more just trying to get away. Finally the mother of the little girl came running out and grabbed the other dog. It was a big scene, but fortunately, no one, dog or child, was hurt. Even so, keep thinking I should have reacted sooner or possibly when I saw the girl walking towards us, picked up Ruby, etc.
Maggie
HOLY MOLY!!! What a scary experience. I’m so sorry you, your daughter, and Ruby all had to go through that. Do NOT beat yourself up about your reaction at all!! Those are the types of things you just can’t predict, expect, or plan for. It sounds like it worked out for the best with no injuries, but that other mother…. whoooo…. I hope she learned something from this. Big hugs!!
Bren Pace | Pibbles & Me
So sorry about your babies, Maggie. I know how upsetting it can be when they have a tiff, especially when you don’t know what it’s over. Although Zue has only been in our home now (year 2), her and Titan have gotten in a few nasty ones. Sadly, the first one was over a treat. Accidents happen but this was the first and I swore it would never happen again. However, due to the community of stray cats in my hood that wonder around our yard every day, the dogs have managed to get into a few more spats. Zue is easily irritated by the cats. She gets pretty hostile. Titan will bark just to bark. When the two start running back and forth along the fenceline, collisions are bound to happen. Which in turn, cause them to lash out on one another.
I totally get your fear and concern of your having little spats. I guess the older they get, the more aware we need to be of their actions.
I appreciate you sharing your story no matter what breed they are. I’ve been gone too long from your blog. I can’t believe how your babies have changed in a few years.
Enjoy your weekend!
Bren